43 Things I Want For My Birthday

Apparently, I am notoriously difficult to buy for.  So this year, I'm going to make it easier for everyone.  Here are 43 things I want for my birthday, so . . . it wasn't just a clever title.  And also, this isn't an ordered list.  I'm making it up as I go along.

1. A Dolphins win this Sunday, and for Ryan Tannehill to outplay Cam Newton in the process
2. This Martin/Incognito thing to be over with
3. A Jets loss
4. UNC to not get embarrassed (little late on this one)
5. 55 inch big screen in the Man Cave
6. Brandon Marshall 
7. 3 TDs for Demaryius Thomas
8. Pizza
9. Socks
10. The sweet Nikes I just designed
11. A Patriots loss
12. My fantasy basketball team to win
13. A new Raconteurs album/tour
14. A Porsche
15. Cherry Chocolate Cake Jelly Bellys
16. 3 TDs for Zac Stacy
17. A healthy meniscus
18. Recruiting violation charges brought against Duke's basketball program
19. A healthy Greg Oden
20. My own McDonald's
21. One NBA player to admit he committed a foul
22. Bacon
23. Play ONE Foo Fighters song perfectly
24. My own sports talk radio show
25. Lose these last 5 pounds without giving up fast food
26. 3 TDs for the Chiefs defense
27. An offensive line
28. World Peace
29. 85 degrees and humid
30. PJ Hairston reinstated
31. A copy of UNC's 2009 NCAA tournament game vs. LSU
32. Unlimited Diet Dr Pepper
33. The perfect onion rings
34. One Direction tickets (you know, for the girls)
35. 3 TDs for Carson Palmer
36. An REM reunion tour (with Bill)
37. One birdie . . . just one
38. Roger Goodell's retirement (effective immediately)
39. The Ryan Mallett era
40. 3 TDs for Coby Fleener
41. That "It's A Wonderful Life" sequel to die
42. 700 million dollars
43. The perfect cheeseburger

See?  I'm not that difficult.  

Welcome To The Circus . . . Your 2013 Miami Dolphins

I'm a Dolphins fan, still.

If you haven't heard the details coming out about this Richie Incognito story, keep up the good work.  I wish it would go away.  Check that, I wish it never would have happened, and by that I mean I wish the Dolphins never would have signed Richie Incognito in the first place.  But that's neither here nor there.  I simply just don't want questionable character guys on my team.  I can sleep much easier being a loser with good guys on the team, than winning with a bunch of jerks (and worse).

If you don't know Richie's history, you should look it up.  If you don't know the facts of the story (as they are being told right now), you should look it up.  It's all over the place.  I'm not going to rehash the story.  I'm merely giving my take on what's going on.  That's it.  It's a guess, which is all anyone else is doing right now.  The truth, in its entirety, may never surface.  As Adam Shefter said last night, "In any story like this, there are really three sides.  He said, he said and the truth, which is somewhere in the middle."  That's probably the case here.  But I'm going to speculate as to what I think is going on based on what I know, and knowing what it's like when a group of guys are together all the time and bag on each other without mercy.

A college dorm is the closest I've ever been to life in an NFL locker room.  I'm not saying it's the same, but it's the same principle.  There are guys who become a family and they rip on each other all the time.  They prank each other.  One of my roommates used to think it was funny to light bottle rockets and toss them into the shower while I was in there.  Hilarious.  But that's how guys operate.  And we say stuff to each other that is way outside the realm of good taste.  Guys pick at each other, and someone always crosses the line.  And that's what I think happened here.

You can disagree and that's ok.  I'm just saying in my experience, we could say some really mean things to each other and know that if we weren't such good friends, we could never get away with that.  The problem is that not everyone could take it, or could only take so much for so long.  Then, if someone crossed the line and you didn't say anything or fight back, it continued, with the thinking be that everything was ok.  I do believe that's what happened here.  I could be wrong and the evidence may come out to blow my theory out of the water.  But as of right now, that's what I believe happened.

Now, under no circumstances would I use the language Incognito did.  I believe the "n" word is off-limits, and I think anyone who uses it is a racist.  And I get that there are circumstances where a white guy and a black guy are closer than brothers and that word is ok between them.  That's between them.  I'm standing by what I said.  I hate the word and wish racial slurs of all forms were wiped from our vocabularies.  The voice mail Richie left is particularly incriminating, if for no other reason than because the context is missing.  I don't believe Richie was going to slap his mother or kill him or defecate in his mouth.  Again, this is crude language to say the least.  But guys rip on each other, and I've definitely heard worse.

That being said, we live in a culture where bullying is taken seriously at all levels, as it should be.  I just think that Martin tried to keep it all to himself and he ended up just reaching his breaking point.  I cannot believe that if coaches and higher ups in the organization had known the depth of what was going on with Martin that they wouldn't have done anything.  There are attorneys on retainer who get paid big money for keeping companies out of dangers like this.  Listen to what the other Dolphins players are saying.  None of them are saying this is bullying.  Every interview I've heard is that everyone got the same treatment and it was nothing out of the ordinary for what goes on with a football team.  I'm not saying I condone any of it.  I just get it.  I've got other opinions, but it doesn't matter.  I hope I never see either of these guys in a Dolphins uniform again.  Richie is an idiot and Martin is a quitter.  And I believe that no matter what evidence comes out after this, I will always see them through that lens.  And once again, the Dolphins are a laughing stock, but this time it's more embarrassing than 1-15 ever was.

What Dave Ramsey Won't Tell You

So I'm reading a story this morning about former Miami Dolphins' WR Irving Fryar and his mortgage loan scandal.  You probably don't know or care who Irving Fryar is, and that's ok.  I happen to like the guy a lot.  I will never forget 4th and short back in 1994, when Marino bombed it to him in Dan's first game back after the Achilles injury . . . ah, good timez.

Anywho, here is the story.  Go ahead and read it.  I'll wait.

http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/2013-10-16/sports/sfl-irving-fryar-miami-dolphins-arrested-20131016_1_home-loan-scheme-miami-dolphins-mother

Ok, so let's continue.  This makes me sad, because first of all, Fryar is now a pastor at a church he founded.  And I know that Fryar has come a long way from his playing days when he discusses being so coked out during a game (when he played with New England and they were terrible) that he left at halftime and ran into a tree leaving the stadium.  He was known to be a party guy and a gun "enthusiast."  He was a rough guy, and he's come so far.  To see him mess up like this, well, it's sad.

But the part of the story that really gets to me is that he had made only a few payments on the loans and, as a result, the banks "eventually wrote the loans off as losses."

Wait a second.  I don't much . . . ok, ANYTHING about banking and financial matters of stock market liquidity ratio capitalism, but I can read.  And, unless someone tells me differently, it appears to me that the bank (stay with me here) realized they were duped and couldn't collect on the loans so they merely "wrote them off."  Almost $700,000 in loans.  That's what we're talking about.  Let me see if I can make this make sense in my own head.

Tom: "Hey, Ron.  It appears that Irving Fryar fellow duped us.  I don't think he's going to pay the loan."
Ron: "Oh well, guess we have to write that one off.  Let's be more careful next time we decide to loan hundreds of thousands of dollars."
(Tom and Ron laugh manically)
Tom: "So who covers the loan?"
Ron: "Don't worry, Tom.  We're doing fine.  See?  (picking up a stack of loan papers)  Look at this one.  This Petty family.  By the time they're finished paying off their house, they'll more than cover what we're losing on this Foreman deal."
Tom: "You just called him Foreman."
Ron: "Did I?  That's priceless."
(Tom and Ron laugh hysterically and . . . fade to black)

Honestly, I don't know how this works.  I am sure it happens every day.  But they could have left this part out of the article and my day would have been so much brighter.  I wasn't aware this was an option to banks, but I guess they have people default on loans all the time and have to do something to keep the doors open.  I'm not blaming the banks.  I'm blaming the world for not giving me this option.

Me: "Yeah, that credit card I jacked up when we took that trip we couldn't afford?  I'm going to write that off."
Alec Baldwin: "Good for you.  Don't eat meat."

Actually, I don't know that Alec Baldwin is a vegetarian.  Doesn't look like he's skipping any carbs, that's for sure.  Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked (SURPRISE!).

I'm just sitting here wondering how I sign up for this program and what you have to do to be considered a "bank."

Aaaahhhhhhhhh!  Distractions!  Where was I?  Oh yes, sorry you're sick, Irving.  Get well soon.  And congrats on going back and getting your degree or whatever was going on earlier.  Watch out for trees.

Pick Six(teen)

I tried to keep my mouth shut, but I've been pushed to my limit.  So here goes.

Dear Texans fans,

Jay Fiedler

Damon Huard

Ray Lucas (yes, THE Ray Lucas)

Brian Griese

AJ Feeley 

Sage Rosenfels

Gus Frerotte

Joey Harrington

Daunte Culpepper

Cleo Lemon (THE Cleo Lemon)

Trent Green

John Beck

Chad Pennington

Chad Henne

Tyler Thigpen

Matt Moore

Now . . . SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR QUARTERBACK!

Seriously, I know many sane Texans fans and consider many of you good friends.  So I'm going to talk to the other 99.9999999% who may be reading this.  I realize none are, but I have to get this off my chest.

A guy reportedly buys a Schaub jersey in the team store after the game on Sunday just so he can take it to the parking lot and set it on fire.  Are you kidding me?  Have the Texans somehow reached a level of success that I've missed?  I guess I could understand this behavior on some level if the Texans had Lombardi trophies coming out their ears, but so far, all I'm seeing is two playoff appearances and not yet even a conference championship game.  Am I off on this?  

Two seasons ago, everyone here was just happy to see the playoffs.  And now there seems to be this overwhelming attitude that if Houston doesn't win every game, it's a colossal failure.  I get made fun of all the time for being a Dolphins fan, because we (yep . . . I say "we") have been the laughing stock of the NFL for most of the last decade or so.  You know what I did after the Fins got embarrassed on national TV Monday?  I shrugged, winced and reminded myself that we're 3-1 and just lost to a really good home team with a HOF quarterback who shreds defenses in his sleep.  You see, losing builds character, and I've got plenty of it.  And moreover, losing reveals a person's true character.  Anyone can win graciously.  It takes maturity to be able to handle losing.  And losing is supposed to help you appreciate winning.  I don't know what is going on here with the Texans, but you've lost to two really good teams.  Seattle is on track to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl, and Baltimore just won it.  So there's no shame in your record.  You should just be thankful you're not 0-4.  Heck, Schaub won the Chargers game for you.  And for that matter, did you see him perform in crunch time against the Titans (another game you would have lost if not for him)?  Nope . . . you only remember that he was induced into a bad decision by an elite defense.  

So for the sake of me taking you seriously as fans, please stop acting like a bunch of spoiled brats who are so used to winning you just don't know how to take this .500 record right now.  Stop turning on your quarterback, because, as I've listed, it could be much worse.  Be happy you have a team that is at least in the discussion instead of the punchline of every joke.

I'm done.  At least until next Sunday.

Discipleship (and stuff)

Well, it's official.  I am now the proud dad of 2nd and 4th grade girls, almost 8 and 10 years old.  And I'm learning from a parental perspective what the kids are going to learn this year, as well as what they're already expected to know.  The beauty of it is that I know that they will know more at the end of the year than they know now.  I know, trust and pray for their teachers (mostly for Job-level patience), and am certain that they will be smarter in a few months than they are right now.  Maybe it's just me, but to expect a kid coming off the summer after third grade, it would be unrealistic to think they would know more than someone going into the fifth grade.  Learning is a grand process, perhaps the most fun coming from the fact that you learn in stages.  You don't know the answer to something and you find it.  You then commit it to memory so that you know it next time it comes up.

So that's about as far into the analogy as I'm going to go.  Truth is, I'm hung up on Matthew 28:19-20.  It appears to me that what Jesus is saying is that we are to go out and make disciples of people and THEN teach them to obey the commandments he gave us.  Hang on.  Let me read that again.  Nope . . . I keep getting the same thing.  I've been thinking about discipleship a lot lately, especially in regard to the flock God has charged me with leading.  I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what it looks like to make disciples.  A disciple is defined as "a student or follower of a teacher, leader or philosopher."  Well there you go.  Cool.  Now how do I do that? 

Well, one thing I am deciding is that "making disciples" does not involve me being the morality police. Sometimes we expect people to "clean it up" and then give it to God.  From where I'm sitting, that's completely backwards.  We don't clean our lives up and give them to God, we give our lives to him so he can clean them up.  Where were you when God found you?  A spiritual 3rd grader?  I probably wasn't even that far along, but I know I am now.  I don't exactly have my Masters yet, but I'm working on it.  So to expect anyone who is spiritually in 3rd grade to be at the same point on the path with someone who has had the opportunities I have had in my life is irresponsible and unrealistic.  And it might be borderline Pharisaical.  

So here's what I've decided.  I'm going to meet people where they are.  I'm probably still going to wince when they say something that I'm uncomfortable with, but I'm going to get over it.  And instead of bashing them with my morality police-issue nightstick, I'm going to try to love on them and let them know Jesus loves them as well.  And maybe if we help lead people into a relationship with Jesus, they'll want to be better on their own.  You can be a moral giant and still be lost.  So I think what I need to do is lead people to Jesus, not moral codes, and see what happens.  And in order for me to lead people to Jesus, I need to know where he is, which means I need to be a follower of Jesus and not just a poser who's trying to tell everyone else how to live their lives while my whitewashed tomb is full of dead men's bones.

I'm re-reading this rambling hot mess and it makes absolutely zero sense.  I guess it's been all over the place, which is where my brain has been in this whole "disciple-making" internal conversation.  So thanks for reading.  I feel like I should come up with something clever to say now.  I'm terrible at ending these posts.  

Spidey's Back!

The Wall-Crawler is back with an inspirational tune to make your day a little brighter.

2013 NFL Predictions . . . and stuff

Well, here I am blogging again.  I know that I am a fairly shallow person.  I know a few things.  But more importantly, I know how to beat a dead horse.  So I am going to make some predictions for this NFL season, and you, my friends, may take them to the bank.  I'm not sure what the bank will do with them, but . . . maybe open an account or something while you're there.

1.  The Lions will win the SuperBowl.  Or lose 11 games.  One of those.  But seriously, they're my pick to at least win the NFC North.
And since we're talking division champs, I may as well list mine.
NFC East - Cowboys
NFC North - Orioles
NFC South - Saints
NFC West - 49ers
AFC East - Patriots (blah)
AFC North - Bengals
AFC South - Texans
AFC West - Broncos
2.  The Cowboys will have a top 7 defense.  Seriously, I've seen them ranked so low by fantasy "experts", and I wonder if anyone has ever seen a Monte Kiffin defense.  Monte is Lane's dad.  One of them is a good coach.  I'll let you debate which.
3.  Ryan Tannehill will be a top-32 QB this year.  Mark Sanchez will not.
4.  Jake Locker will throw 25 TD passes this year.  And 47 INTs.
5.  Chris Nolan will do a biopic about the life of Brett Favre.  It'll be called "Winners Never Quit" and Philip Seymour Hoffman will play the title role.
6.  There will be a record sale of "Mrs. Luck" T-shirts this year.
7.  On the way to the parking lot after the Steelers lose their 6th consecutive game, Plaxico Burress will shoot Ben Roethlisberger in the leg.
8.  I will post approximately 6,000 tweets about how we could have had Matt Ryan.
9.  JJ Watt will rip an opposing O-lineman's ribcage clean out of his chest.  He will be fined $25,000.
10. Joey Harrington will be quarterbacking the Jets by week 6.
11. Rob Gronkowski will make a dramatic return to the Patriots by catching 4 TD passes in his first game back.  He will break his femur after the game celebrating at a country/western club during the "Hoedown Throwdown."
12. Russell Wilson will lose the lift insoles in his cleats and will miss the first half of the Niners game in San Fran trying to convince security he's not one of the players' sons.
13. The Dolphins will rip my heart out.  Again.

So there you have it, my 13 predictions.  Why 13?  Because it's my lucky number, which explains a lot.